In honour of the end of the Uni year!

Dear All.
At a meeting of the cyber- Parent/Teacher Association last week, I proposed that all students be allowed, as is usual, to bring in games on the last day, e.g. Connect 4, Buckaroo, mousetrap or twister. Some would of course always be against this. Other, more so called 'liberals', including the pleasantly avuncular yet determinedly Millian Mr.Watters the bemused woodwork teacher, and Mr B. Rose the postmodernist, who refuses to categorize what he's teaching from one minute to the next, went to the other extreme, proposing an all nude sportsday.
The compromised result was (against my better judgment) that a so called 'school disco' was sanctioned. So far there have been 4 fights, due to a jealous spat over someone having a more fashionable font than the 'povvy' kids, and several contributors have been sick, due to jumping up and down to Jefferson Airplane records (yep- White Rabbit). Two contributors were caught in the girls' toilets drinking rhubarb flavoured 'Hooch' You know who you are!!!! This is of course on top of the usual debauchery involving the 'lads' doing 'skidders' across the dance floor, which necessitates sliding on one's knees for as far as possible, usually removing all the flannel and 3 layers of knee-skin. There were of couse the usual snogging incidents, but I'm not prepared to even discuss those.
Letters will be sent to all parents and carers immediately.
YS
Mr Pastry.